Your statutes are my delight; they are my counselors.
Psalm 119: 24
Life has been hard lately, and I often find myself feeling exhausted and discouraged. I used to be able to take a lot, and I handled emotional stress fairly well. However, recently I often find myself getting cranky and wishing things could be different. I’m not normally a grouchy person, and anger isn’t something I struggle with too often. I hate feeling this way.
My aunt got sick a few months ago. She has no children and I’m her medical contact person. I’ve been trying to manage her doctor’s appointments, keep track of her medications, and help her as much as I can. I want to be there for her as much as possible, but at the same time it’s draining every ounce of my energy due to my ongoing health issues. The stress has thrown me into a major flare up of my autoimmune disease, and the resulting joint pain and fatigue makes it difficult to keep up with my work and help my aunt. I’m thankful I work from home and can set my own schedule, which makes it possible for me to take my aunt to her appointments, etc., but it’s still a lot to juggle.
I’ve been pondering a lot of things today. I’ve been asking myself why I’m struggling and why my emotions are frayed and out of control. I was thinking back to the other life events that were stressful and hard and how I was able to stay strong in my faith and get through them while managing my emotions. And then I had a light-bulb moment.
I was thinking about a time many years ago when my pastor came to visit and pray with me after my husband abandoned me and our family and moved to Ohio with his girlfriend. To say his leaving rocked my world is a massive understatement. It was hard and the bad days were many, but my faith remained strong, and I didn’t feel as emotionally beaten as I do now.
Then I remembered my pastor asking how I was doing. I shared with him my thoughts and how my family doctor had strongly encouraged me to start an antidepressant medication to help me get through the rough times. I refused. I have a long list of drug allergies and prefer to avoid new medicines if possible. I remember picking up my Bible and saying to my pastor, “This is my antidepressant! It’s my Prozac!” I shared with him how I had been reading the Psalms and how I always found something to comfort me in the midst of my suffering. I certainly wasn’t saying that just to be funny or to act like I was above needing medication, but at the time I truly meant every word of what I said.
The power of God’s living word in times of suffering is real. My morning quiet time was set in stone. I rarely missed a day in God’s word, and at times I lingered in the word for hours. Times were still difficult but God’s word was stronger than my doubts, fears, and insecurities. It brought me peace and comfort. It guided my thoughts and my actions. It kept me grounded in my faith and God’s promises gave me hope for the future.
I’ve become less diligent about protecting my morning time alone with God in the past few years. At times I’ve missed an entire week. I often allow distractions to rob me of my precious morning devotional time, and then I wonder why I feel so out of control. Some days I open the word but rush through. Nearly all of my daily distractions are my own fault. Some days I may have a true emergency, but most of the time I choose to rush into the day or get caught up checking email or social media instead of pausing to meet with God. It’s no wonder I feel so lousy.
When typing medical reports, I often hear of patients who are on anti-depressants and not feeling better. The doctor either adds another medication or increases the patient’s dose. Another light-bulb moment. What I need is to increase my dosage of God’s word. When my current dose of God’s word isn’t enough, I need to increase my dose. When I’m in high stress situations, I need more of God, not less. I need to guard my daily quiet time with God more than ever. Without my daily meeting with God, I become a grump, everything looks hopeless, and I feel overwhelmed.
Starting tomorrow, I’m going to up my dose of anti-depressant. I’m going to make meeting with God in the morning a priority again. I know from past experience it’s the perfect prescription for a life that’s swirling out of control.
And to all my readers who are taking anti-depressants, please don’t think I’m judging you. I have family members and friends who take these medications with good results. Sometimes they are necessary for a variety of health issues. Whether we take prescribed medications or not is a personal decision, but adding more of God’s word to our day will never hurt us. In fact, it may be the most important part of the pathway to restoring our emotional and mental health.
Are you getting enough of God’s word? What changes will you make in your schedule today to make more time to meet with God on a daily basis?
